


A Light that Never goes Out

by LeoDios



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst I guess, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But mostly Kunessi, But they kind of hate each other, FC Barcelona, Football | Soccer, I don't even know how to tag this, M/M, Neymessi, Rough Sex, kunessi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:08:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8479930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoDios/pseuds/LeoDios
Summary: Kun and Leo. And a little bit Neymar."Kun rolls his eyes, but he can't help walking towards Leo. Leo starts walking to him too, and before he knows it Leo's in his arms and he has his arms around Kun's neck.Their faces are close, but they're still in combat mode. They both strain away so their lips, only atoms apart, don't accidentally touch.Kun crosses his arms tightly behind Leo's back, trapping him against his chest. He loves that he's stronger than Leo. Could wreck him, if it came to it."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just felt like writing some Kunessi. No idea where it's going, so tags will be updated accordingly. Any suggestions for how this should continue? :)

"I'll join later," Kun says, earning disapproving sounds from his teammates. 

He feels lame. It's not every day you beat Barca. In style, just when your team needed a win. And he's afraid someone will guess why he's not joining in the celebrations. But if anyone does, they are tactful enough not to bring it up.

He goes home and paces restlessly in his big, empty house for about an hour. And when Leo shows up, he dares to show up with that punk. No messages, no phone calls, just rolls into his driveway in a rented car. Neymar's driving. But of course. Kun waits in front of his front door, hands on hips.

Leo gets out and slams the door shut. He still looks pissed off, which makes Kun want to smile a little. Fuck him. Fuck him and his entitlement. He spares a thought for Leo's chauffeur, who stares ahead blankly, hands still on the steering wheel. Fuck him too. Fuck him and his stupid hair.

"Leo," he says, as Leo approaches him.

"Hey," Leo says. He runs his fingers through his hair quickly. His hair looks good, Kun must admit. The stupid blond has almost completely grown out, so now it's just highlights. He looks good, generally speaking. Which is what makes everything so hard.

Kun nods towards the car.

"Why is _he_ here?"

"Oh," Leo says, doing the fingers through the hair thing again, which is really annoying and distracting because Kun likes it too much.

It's almost as if Leo's forgotten that Neymar is sitting in the car, waiting...

"I didn't feel like driving," he says, "and I wasn't sure you'd be home."

Kun knows very well that that's a lie. Of course he was going to be home, and Leo knows it.

"Right," Kun says, "well I am."

Leo smirks. God he looks smug, and Kun almost wishes he'd gone out after all. 

"Hold on a second," he says, and walks back to the car.

Kun tries not to look. Tries not to look as Leo taps the window. Leo leans in and talks right into his ear, brushing his lips over the kid's diamond studded ear. Whatever he is telling him, it's taking quite a long time. At one point, Leo's mouth swallows the earlobe, diamond and all.

Kun looks away.

He doesn't look back until he hears the car start up again, and drive back down his driveway. And he hears Leo's steps approaching. He almost feels sorry for the young Brazilian. But he doesn't. He thinks about the last time he saw Leo. Reeling from a humiliating loss in Barcelona, pissed off after having been left on the bench by Pep. Leo hadn't given him the time of day. He'd walked away smirking with his arm around Neymar's waist, hand slipping under his shirt. 

Leo's next to him, hand on his arm, jerking him towards himself, demanding immediate attention. Kun pulls away and walks inside. 

"What?" Leo says, flopping down on the sofa. Kun takes himself to the other side of the room. Leo's glaring at him. Glaring with those coal eyes, like he's the enemy. Which he is at the moment.

"Annoyed are you?"

Leo makes a noise like _pffft._

"You're not annoyed? Why were you trying to pick fights after the..."

"I wasn't." He's standing up now, angry, body tense, ready to go.

"Whatever you say," Kun says. He's tired. He's not sure why they do this.

"Don't expect me to be happy, okay?"

"Okay, but why not? Why do you always have to be such a sore loser? Like, there are other people in the world who have talent and who work hard, you know? There are other teams who deserve things. Don't act like you're the only one who..."

"Kun."

Kun stops because Leo's voice has suddenly become softer, almost gentle. He looks up to find that Leo's eyes have softened too. And he knows very well how this goes. This is the danger.

"What?"

"I don't think you don't deserve it."

"Then why are you such a dick?"

Leo throws his hands up.

"I'm a dick when I lose."

That makes Kun laugh out loud.

"You're a dick when you win, too."

"Is this about last time?"

"What do you think?"

"He...needed me."

"He doesn't need you tonight?"

" _I_ need you tonight."

"And what you need is what's important, right?"

"Hmm."

Kun rolls his eyes, but he can't help walking towards Leo. Leo starts walking to him too, and before he knows it Leo's in his arms and he has his arms around Kun's neck.

Their faces are close, but they're still in combat mode. They both strain away so their lips, only atoms apart, don't accidentally touch.

Kun crosses his arms tightly behind Leo's back, trapping him against his chest. He loves that he's stronger than Leo. Could wreck him, if it came to it.

"What're you doing here?" he says.

Leo closes his eyes. He whispers his words like he can't stand it.

"I told you," he says, "I need you."

"Why me?"

"Why are you asking me this shit? You know why."

"Why?"

Leo opens his eyes and glares at him. Bores holes into him. Kun feels hot and tense.

"Why?" he repeats angrily, hoarsely, tightening his hold around Leo.

"Because you're the only one who..."

Leo trails off, sighs in exasperation, and suddenly breaks out of Kun's arms.

"Fuck you," he spits out and heads for the door.

Kun lets him. Because where's he going to go? Even if his boy came back for him, it will take a while. And every other option will take significantly longer.

*


	2. Chapter 2

Kun lets Leo stew for a good while. Leo's probably gone into the TV room, which is his usual place to sulk in. There's the giant TV there, for one. He can always watch something if he gets really bored. It usually doesn't come to that, since Kun is a lot more impatient and eager to get on with it.

 

This time though, Kun lets him sit for a while. As long as it's possible without losing his mind. He's hard, and he's been hard since Leo showed up. And he will need that taken care of soon.

 

He's decided that he's not even going to bother with the bedroom. He's going to fuck him right then and there, over the table, or on the plush sofa. But then again, as soon as he flings the door open and walks in, Leo gets up and strides towards him. He throws him a hard glare and walks past him, up the stairs as Kun follows him, straight into the bedroom.

 

Kun can't help it. There's something he likes about that. Leo feeling comfortable in his home, taking ownership of his bedroom. He has to be careful though, careful not to let the old feelings come creeping in. It would be easy, so fucking easy.

 

He doesn't actually want to hurt him, but Leo wants to be hurt.

 

Kun presses him into the bed, on his hands and knees. Leo is tight and he is big and hard. He's prepared him, but really not enough. Leo squirms and moans, louder with every deeper thrust. Kun watches his flushed face, cheek pressed against the sheets, eyes tightly shut and tongue flicking over his dry lips. Leo grips the pillows tightly with both hands. It feels really good, especially as Leo starts to loosen up, and Kun is already overwhelmed. But he tries his best to hold himself back, because he knows how much Leo needs this.

 

He holds on to his hips and pounds in and out. Until the sweat starts dripping down his chest. He feels exhausted, but neither of them are done.

 

He knows they're close. Close to the moment when everything changes. It happens every time, no matter how callous they try to be about each other. No matter how they never talk about it later. He can feel it in the way that Leo's body is relaxing, and he can hear it in his moans that go soft and needy.

 

Leo doesn't have to really say anything.

 

Kun leans down and kisses his neck, his ear. He can feel Leo shivering in response. He knows exactly what he wants, what he needs.

 

"Come on," Kun whispers, "turn over _cariño_." 

 

Leo does as he's told, and Kun pulls him into his lap. He sinks down on Kun's cock with a great sigh, and puts his arms around him. For a while they don't move, holding each other and breathing in each other.

 

"Kun," Leo whispers, tightening his hold.

 

"I know," he replies, trying to ignore the way his heart thuds. He puts a hand on Leo's head and pulls it back to look at his face.

 

Leo looks down, like the shy young boy he used to be. And Kun grins. Kisses his face, catches Leo's bottom lip with his teeth. Leo giggles. Finally kisses him. Until they're both panting. Leo has started to move his hips and Kun sways together with him.

 

"Why don't you just shave it off?" Kun murmurs, rubbing his mouth over Leo's thick beard.

 

"I thought you liked it."

 

"I do," Kun runs his hands over Leo's body, taking pleasure in every spot, and every muscle.

 

"So then?"

 

He lets his fingers run slowly over Leo's cheeks.

 

"I just miss your face."

 

Leo half-smiles and ducks his head, and Kun can almost see the dimples. God, how he wishes he could kiss and lick him all over his face with no thick beard in the way.

 

Leo is looking into his eyes and smiling and Kun wonders what he's thinking of. But he's learnt not to ask. Just be quiet.

 

He kisses him again. Plunges his tongue deep into his mouth, battles with his tongue. Holds his neck from the back, so there's no chance of escape. He's like a starving man, he needs this. Not that Leo ever tries to get away. They're as close together as is humanly possible, bodies slick with sweat, tongues tangled together, and hands gripping onto flushed skin.

 

When Kun knows he can no longer hold back, he slides a hand between them and finds Leo's cock. He strokes fast and slick until Leo shudders and comes in his hand, biting down hard on his lip. Kun thrusts hard a couple of times into Leo, and comes too. 

He feels so tremulous, weak, euphoric and melancholic at the same time. Of course he wants to cry. But he can't. He won't.

 

He lays Leo down on the bed gently. His eyelids are already heavy and drooping. He has this faint smile on his face, which is - to Kun - basically heaven. If he had to measure perfect happiness, it's in the look Leo has on his face at this very moment.

 

He mentally shakes himself out of this post-sex sentimentality. By the time he leans down and kisses Leo's forehead, his eyes are already closed.

 

Kun wonders if Leo's supposed to fly back early, or what he's arranged. He stays awake a little while longer, just staring up at the ceiling.

 

He doesn't wake up to Leo in his arms. That never happens. A quick glance around the room tells him that Leo hasn't left yet, some of his clothes are still there.

 

He walks down the stairs and into the lobby. From the big windows looking out into the driveway, Kun spots Leo talking to Neymar. It's still very early, the morning light soft and hazy. It looks a little foggy and cold.

 

Neymar is dressed lightly, pacing up and down, rubbing his hands together. Leo is bare chested, simply wearing track bottoms, and seems not to feel the cold at all. Neymar is talking animatedly and Kun can't really tell if he's arguing or just talking. Leo's face gives nothing away. 

 

Neymar then lunges towards Leo and throws his arms around him. Leo holds him close, hand moving from his back to his neck, lingering there a little. Kun turns around and leans on the window.

 

A minute later, Leo comes back in. He glances at Kun.

 

"Mind if I shower before I go?"

 

He's all smiles, last night's petulant child gone.

 

Kun nods dumbly.

 

Leo pecks him quickly on the lips and goes upstairs. And it burns and hurts like a stab.

 

Kun goes outside and Neymar is still standing there, where he was.

 

"Come in and wait," he says, "it's fucking cold."

 

Neymar shakes his head and keeps rubbing his hands together.

 

"Nah. I'm fine."

 

Kun stands there for a while, just watching him. Until Neymar glares at him like, _what._  


Kun nods towards the house.

 

"Don't you mind?" he says, genuinely curious.

 

Neymar raises an eyebrow.

 

"No. I see other people too."

 

"So do I," Kun says.

 

"I guess we're all fine then," the Brazilian replies, a tad sarcastic.

 

Kun rolls his eyes.

 

Just then Leo comes back out, all fresh and showered. 

 

"Okay," he says, turning to Kun and putting a hand on his waist. Immediately Neymar turns away, just like Kun had done last night.

 

Leo puts his other hand behind Kun's neck and pulls him down for a kiss. He kisses the shit out of him, devouring his mouth and teasing him with his tongue, sucking on his lip and biting it. Kisses him long and hard and leaves him completely breathless.

 

Neymar's already in the car, and Leo walks away. No more words, no turning back. Kun swallows hard, watching the car drive away.

 

Kun knows what that kiss is supposed to mean. 

 

_I want you, but I don't love you._

_I refuse to love you._

It's supposed to make him think of sex. Like that's the only thing they have.

 

*


	3. Chapter 3

Kun wants Leo.

That's his immediate thought, and that's his only thought. 

_Leo._

As he goes past Pep in the tunnel, and his manager gives him a blank stare, Kun thinks with a little hysteria rising inside him - Pep is probably thinking of Leo too. He probably wants his little genius back, to finish moves, score some fucking goals.

He bangs his way into the locker room, vibrating with disappointment and anger, hardly even conscious of his surroundings. It's only when someone - that turns out to be Nicolas - physically grabs him and forces him to sit down, does Kun remember to breathe, open his eyes, remember where he is, think.

The worst part about losing - getting knocked out of the Champions League _again -_ is that he can't even go straight home and start moping. He needs to pack up, leave the hotel, get on the plane, and _then_ drive home. 

He needs to be home. He needs Leo. He can only have one of those things tonight, but even that is delayed.

All he can think of, during the flight, is that time in November, in Brazil. Nothing Kun does erases that from his mind. He wishes he could understand his own mind. How certain things are okay, but certain other things are unbearable.

He knows Leo isn't his. That's okay. He doesn't care. Leo is an asshole anyway.

But sometimes he needs Leo to be his. And it hurts. It hurts like an open wound. A pain raw and physical. He's tried to get rid of it, be above it, get over it, whatever one might call it. But Leo's always there ready to hurt him.

Back in November, they'd had a humiliating loss to Brazil. Leo was pissed off. So was everyone else. Kun had gone to talk to some of the others and then returned to the hotel room he shared with Leo. He would never forget the scene he saw when he opened the door. The room was dimly lit, and soft music with a languid beat was playing from someone's phone. Kun still remembers the tinny quality of the sound. Leo was leaning on the table, and Neymar was leaning over him. Leo's hands were on his waist - Kun will never forget how gently Leo was touching Neymar. His hands were moving slowly over Neymar's bare skin, and Neymar was moving his body slowly to the music. Kun had stopped to stare at how their bodies moved sensuously to the beat, how Neymar's hands cupped Leo's face. How engrossed they were in each other.

He'd somehow snapped out of it and fled the scene. Of course Leo had seen him, he was sure of it.

Later, it had come up.

_Why him? Why now? Why in our room?_

Leo had shrugged like it was no big deal.

"I needed him."

The subtext - more than I need you. More than I want you.

It was one of the more upsetting things Leo had done in recent years, and he had done plenty. Kun wondered why it bothered him so much. After all, he knew Leo was fucking Neymar. Everyone knew. It didn't upset him that much, or even a little. Maybe it was because it was Argentina, _their_ hotel room, it seemed like Leo was pissing on something that was sacred. 

That was months ago. In November. Kun had decided he was done with Leo. This couldn't go on. It hurt too much. Of course he still sent him a Christmas card, still texted him on New Year's Eve. Texted, not called. But then Leo had called him drunk at midnight, and Kun tried not to read too much into the silly things he'd said.

In February, when Barca had had a shocking defeat to PSG, Kun had finally called Leo. Of course he didn't answer, and Kun didn't insist on calling again. Let Neymar comfort him. More recently, when Barca had made a miraculous comeback against PSG in the second leg, Kun _wanted_ to call him. But he didn't. Let him celebrate with Neymar.

It's late when Kun finally gets home. One of his assistants, Martha, is standing in the lobby when Kun enters the house. He isn't expecting her, but all of his staff have their own schedules and tasks that Kun is often unaware of so he isn't necessarily surprised.

She looks at him expectantly.

"What?" he says.

"Is he supposed to be here?" She looks tired but excited.

"...who?"

But he already knows _who._

Martha raises an eyebrow.

"Lionel Messi," she whispers, "I was just collecting some things here, and he was in there. I kind of ran away because I didn't know how to react."

Kun almost laughs - Martha is new and still prone to getting starstruck - except that he can barely breathe, let alone speak.

He moves past her without saying a word, as if in a dream.

He makes sure to shut the living room door behind him. And he's there on the sofa. Sprawled out in his usual way. His eyes are closed. He's wearing Barca training clothes. 

Kun stares at him, wonders if he's some kind of apparition.

Then Leo opens his eyes and smiles.

He opens his mouth but Kun speaks first.

"I wanted you to be here. And you're here."

He knows his voice is embarrassingly croaky. It's just that he had to get it out quickly, before he lost his nerve. At least he wants to manage that much - to tell him how much he wanted him here. He can't tell him _everything,_ but he can say that much.

Leo sits up, smirking.

"Magic," he says, looking pretty pleased with himself.

Kun walks to him. Sinks to his knees in front of him. Lays his head on Leo's lap. Of course Leo doesn't touch his head, like he wants him to. Doesn't run his fingers through his hair, like Kun wants him to. 

He rarely ever does anything Kun wants him to.

But he's here.

And that's just what Kun wanted. What he needed.

He wants Leo's hands to tighten in his hair, but he doesn't want to ask. He moves up, rubbing up against Leo's crotch. Leo shifts a little, and Kun can feel his cock getting harder. It hits him then. It's always the same, a storm of feelings physical and emotional, taking over. 

_He wants Leo so much._

He whispers Leo's name shamelessly, moves his hands over Leo's waist, pulls down his track pants. He strokes his cock, his own cock getting hard at hearing Leo moan softly.

But then Leo pushes him away and stands up, pulling his clothes back in order. Kun has a fraction of a second to be outraged, to feel the pain of rejection. Before he can though, Leo is down on the floor with him. He's pushed him up against the sofa, pulled his shorts down.

He looks up at Kun and rolls his eyes. Actually rolls his eyes. The _fucking nerve_ of...

_Oh._

And then that mouth on his cock. Leo always gives him that thing he wants. He looks up at him constantly when he's blowing him. He knows it drives Kun crazy, and it works this time. Leo moves his tongue up and down Kun's cock. He nibbles and licks at the tip. He deepthroats him. And then he looks up at Kun with eyes damp with tears. All the time his hand strokes up and down his cock, saliva drips all over. His hair is messy and debauched. Kun isn't going to last long. 

One last look, and Kun grabs hold of his hair. He sees Leo close his eyes and go down, swallow him whole. He grips his hair and holds him down. He can feel him gagging a little. He can't control himself anymore. He cries out as he comes, like an electric shock ripping through his whole body. His cock is hot pulsing into Leo's mouth. 

He's done and he falls back, closing his eyes. It's only when he feels Leo squirm under him that he realises his fingers are still tangled in his hair, going through the strands. Leo frees himself and stands up, glaring down at him. Kun smiles, eyes hazy, body relaxed.

"What?" he says, wanting to rile Leo up a bit, "you want me to blow you too?"

"I'm getting water," Leo says, all cold and terse, and leaves the room.

"Hey get me one too!"

Of course Leo only comes back with one glass of water, which he proceeds to drink standing by the door. Kun wonders if he's planning to leave right away. Right now. Nothing would surprise him.

There's a tense silence and then Leo bursts out.

"You didn't answer my call!"

"What?"

"Why didn't you answer my call?"

Kun feels about for his phone. Now he remembers leaving it to charge somewhere. Something was wrong with his phone, and it hadn't charged properly.

"I didn't have my phone with me. Sorry."

"Bullshit."

"What's your problem Leo? You ignore my phone calls all the time."

"It's not the same."

Kun let out a short, shocked laugh, like a bark.

"It's not? How do you figure that  _cariño?"_

Leo shifts awkwardly and turns his face away at the endearment.

"Because you don't ignore my calls," he mumbles, face still turned away.

"Is that why you're here? Because I didn't answer your call?"

Never mind that they hadn't talked since the New Year's drunken call.

Leo turns his face to look at him. He glares at him. Kun doesn't want to feel this. This emotion sweeping through his body, squeezing his heart, making him want to throw up. But he feels it. The more he looks at Leo, and Leo glares back at him, the stronger it gets. Yet he can't help it, he can't look away.

"Come here Leo," he says softly, sliding up and sitting on the sofa.

Leo looks like he wants to run away.

"Why?"

"I haven't kissed you."

Leo's blank look would fool anyone, but not him. He can see - barely, but it's there - the emotion that Leo is trying hard to keep under control. He gestures with his hand.

_Come here._

Leo's almost taken a step forward, when something suddenly buzzes on the sofa. Kun looks over and sees that it's Leo's phone. He picks it up.

_Ney._

He wants to fling the phone across the room, of course. But he holds on to it, feeling it vibrate annoying over his fingertips. He coldly holds it out and waits for Leo to get to him and pluck it away from him.

" _Hey."_

Leo turns away, but Kun can still hear him perfectly.

"Yeah I did. No...I'm in Manchester. I'm sorry I didn't have time to...Yeah I'm okay. He's okay. I just...don't worry about me okay...I'll call you later, I need to...okay, okay. Bye."

He swings around and stares at Kun, and Kun is determined not to react, to reveal anything about how he feels. He can't pretend it didn't ruin the mood, though.

"Are you staying?" he says instead.

Leo doesn't answer. He comes closer. In fact, he comes so close that Kun finally reaches for him and pulls him onto his lap.

Leo bends down expectantly, and Kun wants to laugh. Thinks about riling him up, but he's tired now. He puts his hand on the back of Leo's neck and pulls him down. 

The kiss is warm and slow, and as he strokes Leo's neck he can feel him shivering slightly. 

Kun pauses and whispers against his mouth - "are you staying?"

But Leo dives back into the kiss, refusing to answer.

Later. And they're in Kun's bed. Kun is undressing Leo. Pulling off all the layers of clothing Leo's wearing. Leo is always cold, and even though his house is perfectly heated, he is shivering. 

One thing about Leo is his refusal to admit to anything.

Refuses to admit he's cold. That he wants Kun. That he wants to stay. He won't even take his own clothes off, because that would be too much commitment.

But his eyes tell a different story. His eyes are burning into Kun, staring at him, unable to look away. And it's his eyes, the look he gives him, that drives Kun crazy. Makes him drive his cock into him harder and harder. Until Leo's dripping with sweat, thrashing with pleasure and, finally, coming untouched, crying out Kun's name.

_Normal._

After sex, Leo either falls asleep right away or gets up and leaves. But there's always that minute or two _right after._ When they're _normal._ He looks at Leo, Leo looks at him. And it's like it was when they were 20 years old. Normal.

Leo untangles himself from Kun's body, and slips out of bed. He goes into the bathroom. When he comes out he is dressed, and Kun sighs. So he's not staying.

He sits up in the bed and waits, feeling compelled to pull the sheet over his still naked body. Leo looks at him and frowns. He sits on the edge of the bed.

"You know," he says, a little embarrassed, a little awkward, "you know I don't like to say...stuff..."

"That's why it's always such a treat when you do say _stuff."_

Leo rolls his eyes.

"I just wanted to tell you that you were fine. You were unlucky. It happens."

That makes Kun smile.

"I wasn't fine. I was crap. But it's nice of you to say it."

Leo shakes his head.

"You were crap today? How good do you think you actually are?"

Kun laughs and pinches Leo's cheek. Leo's smiling too.

"You know, you should stay," Kun says impulsively.

Leo bites his bottom lip.

"I was going to," he claims.

Kun raises an eyebrow.

"Oh. It's just that you got dressed and all."

"Well I'm cold, and all your clothes are too big for me so."

Kun suppresses a smile. He wants to let Leo win this one.

He reaches out and pulls him to him. Leo comes easily, his body tucking in neatly against Kun's. Kun draws him under the sheets and smiles as he feels him cuddling closer.

***


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while since I updated this fic! It's international break and I got some Kunessi feelings, and I decided to add to it, so I hope you all like it. I think I will add at least one more chapter soon since I already have ideas for it. This one is basically about Kun's thoughts and feelings, and the next one will have more interaction with Leo. Anyway do let me know what you think in the comments. xoxoxo

Kun never gets tired of the sun. Growing up in Argentina, and then the stint in Spain, and then the rude shock of Manchester. He is happy there, he's appreciated - which is the important thing. Even appreciated by Pep Guardiola now. A huge deal. And he misses the sun, all the time. He takes a quick selfie. He looks so much better with the sunlight on his face. He's going to have to post that on Instagram later. He smiles to himself.

 

His phone buzzes.

 

_Are you joining or you staying in Dubai a while?_

Kun groans inwardly. Sampaoli has given him a choice. After all, he has that knee injury, which means he won't be playing in the friendly against Italy anyway. Still, it might be beneficial to join the team and be present. Kun can't lie to himself though. He'd rather he didn't have a choice. He wishes Sampaoli had said - "Don't bother coming, take a rest." Or said, "Come and join the team, it will be good for morale." The problem with choices is that he can pretend he is making a choice for x,y,z reasons, but he knows he is really making a choice for totally different reasons.

 

He is enjoying himself too much in the sun to have to reckon with his own hidden motivations. He texts Fideo back.

 

_Joining._

He pauses a second before hitting send. That's the decision, then. His phone buzzes immediately.

 

_Great. Leo will be happy._

Kun bursts out laughing. All alone by the pool, not a soul next to him, and he is laughing like a maniac. He's nervous. He's euphoric. He's going to see Leo soon. Leo is the other thing he misses, all the time like the sun. Sometimes even more than the sun. 

 

*

 

Things have been calm between them, at least for the last five or six months. It seems they are friends again, after Leo fired Argentina into the World Cup by scoring a hattrick against Ecuador last October. And he called him and Leo was...

Kun closes his eyes thinking about  _that_ conversation. 

 

How  _pure_  he is when things work out, when he puts down for one moment that monstrous pressure that weighs on him. With his eyes closed he can almost see Leo, and the milky smoothness of his skin, the muscles rippling underneath. The softness of the skin of his inner thigh. Kun tries to snap out of it but he can't. Lolling around in the sun after a hour long massage has made him too relaxed. He can't help thinking about Leo, his body, his taste. He knows he shouldn't, for the sake of their friendship. They're friends now, things are calm. Of course he always wants more, but considering the lows of their relationship over the years, the bitter fights and the vicious words, Kun will settle for calm. He  _should_  anyway.

 

He thinks back further than last October. The fraught months of World Cup qualification matches. You'd enter the hotel with the national team and it was like someone had died. Worse was the fact that he couldn't really help the team. He was called up but not used most of the time. He knew Leo was under an inhumane amount of pressure, but he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't even be a good friend or teammate, because they were fucking fighting over stupid shit.

 

And the stupid shit had a name.  _Neymar._

People talked a lot about Neymar's world record shattering transfer from Barca to PSG. What it meant for transfers and the future of football. Lots of articles were written throughout the summer and beyond. The rumours had started swirling early, but there were always rumours around Neymar. In July, the rumours started to sound serious. Kun talked to Masche and it was clear what was about to happen. He didn't dare ask Leo about it. They hadn't talked much and he was certain that Leo wouldn't want to talk about it. He left it alone. 

 

He left it alone until the beginning of August when it was officially announced that Neymar was really leaving for PSG. It was like an earthquake.  _Everyone_ was talking about it all the time. Kun tried to stay out of it, but then Leo posted a video on Instagram saying farewell. It made his heart ache, even though he knew of course that someone on Leo's team had probably made that video. That's what Leo said when he finally called him. His voice was cold and controlled.

 

"I saw your video on Insta...I'm sorry, you must be..."

 

"Yeah my assistant made that. I don't even know how to make videos."

 

"Yeah but..."

 

"I need to go."

_*_

 

Kun could be impulsive sometimes, he was capable of misreading a situation completely. He got into a car at the airport in Barcelona and headed to Leo's house. He knew how stupid he was being. He knew for a fact that Leo didn't want him there. He knew for a fact that Leo was upset about Neymar, and when he was upset about Neymar, Kun was the last person he'd want to see. Because it made him extra vulnerable and he couldn't handle that.

 

But he couldn't help it.

 

Kun held Leo close when he let him into the house. They were standing in the lobby, and their conversation that day started and ended in the lobby. Leo wriggled out of his arms and moved back. His face was stony.

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"I just wanted to see you. I..."

 

"Are you here to gloat?"

 

"What?"

 

Well, Leo always had a way of being even more of a dick than Kun was expecting him to be. Kun tried to keep a level head, stay calm and not take anything personally.

 

"You think I flew all the way from Manchester to...gloat?"

 

"You think you deserve some award for  _flying all the way from Manchester?"_

"I know you're hurting so I am not going to..."

 

"How understanding of you!"

 

Leo's voice was getting louder. His face was still expressionless but he looked like he was going to explode any minute. And Kun thought, well maybe he should! Maybe it would be good for him! Of course he couldn't exactly claim that he had this horrendous fight with Leo for his own good, but he started to care less and less about being calm.

 

"Don't take it out on me Leo," he warned.

 

Leo laughed.

 

"Why not? You're here to...what? Make some kind of point? Take advantage of me?"

 

"Fuck you!" Kun spit out, finally having enough, "Take advantage of you? You think this is what it's about? I'm here to..."

 

Leo raised a palm, held it right up to his face.

 

"Stop it. I'm not  _interested_ in your pity, or your concern or whatever."

 

"Leo, please," Kun tried again, grabbing his outstretched hand and trying to enfold Leo into his embrace, but Leo - weirdly strong fucker that he was - shoved him off with great force, and Kun started to feel his blood boil dangerously.

 

"Why are you mad at  _me?"_ he yelled.

From Leo's wild eyes and raised voice, Kun should know better than to believe a word coming out of Leo's mouth. But it burned.

 

"You always pretend that you care about me," he ranted, "but you don't. You didn't call me all summer. You didn't fucking care. So why do you care now? Now that you know  _he's gone..._ what do you expect?"

 

Leo's voice cracked on the  _he's gone -_ a sob had risen up his throat - and that filled Kun with overwhelming pity, but also fury, a quiet, dangerous fury. He forced himself to lower his voice.

 

"Think about what you're saying Leo. Think about how ridiculous this is. You're mad at me that I didn't call you when you're sad about your boyfriend. Just. Think. About. That."

 

And he'd hoped Leo would think about that, really think about how absurd it was. How cruel.

 

But he instantly responded:

 

"Well aren't you my friend?"

 

It wasn't just what he said, it was his tone. It was that damn mocking tone that finally made Kun lose his shit.

 

"No," he screamed, surprising himself with the force of his rage, " _I am not your fucking friend."_

He threw his body, his heart and soul into those words. He could feel Leo instantly shutting down, his face going blank, he took a few steps back, away from Kun. He always had an instinct to protect Leo, ever since they met at age 17. But not now. He wanted it to hurt, and he knew he had succeeded. He needed to run from there. For his own good, for his mental health. He couldn't do this anymore. He turned around and fled. 

 

By the time he reached the end of the long driveway to the gates, Leo's security had discreetly ordered him a car, to take him to the airport. It was a private car, with a barrier between the driver and passenger seats. And Kun was grateful, because he pressed his face into his hands and sobbed. Sobbed loud, ugly tears all the way to the fucking airport.

 

*

 

How did they manage to tolerate each other barely a month later, when they met again for international duty? Somehow they did. Kun was called up but he didn't really play a role. He hated it. He also hated how much pressure Leo was clearly under. But he obviously didn't want to talk about it, and Kun didn't want to talk to him about anything really. So he left it till late to go back to their shared hotel room, when he knew Leo would be fast asleep. Besides, he had his own issues. His own sense of failure for not being able help the team.

 

Later that month when he had an accident in Amsterdam and broke a rib, everyone on the team called him to check on him. Everyone except Leo. Kun surprised himself by not really caring. He knew Leo knew. He knew Leo talked to either Fideo or Masche, or anyone else. He knew he was informed. And he felt at ease. He'd said what he wanted to say - You're not my friend.

 

_You're not my fucking friend._

 

He didn't mean it the way some might construe it. Not that he and Leo were not friends, of course not. More like, they were so much more than friends. It was idiotic to pretend. And they pretended all the time, to each other, about everything.

 

So Leo wasn't going to call him, and Kun wasn't going to call Leo. Until they had to. And that happened in October.

 

*

 

With the whole world watching, with all the talk about a footballing giant like Argentina possibly missing out on the World Cup, with all the negative shit swirling around the team and around him - Leo Messi scored a hattrick against Ecuador and dragged Argentina kicking and screaming into the World Cup.

 

Kun cried. After every goal Leo scored, he cried. He was watching with his family but he didn't care. No one said anything, just patted him on the back. He missed him. He missed him  _so much_ it hurt. He could feel his heart thudding against his chest, something churning up his throat like he could throw up. 

 

Later, once everyone left, he picked up his phone hands shaking. 

 

Leo answered his phone instantly, which was a surprise.

 

"Leo..."

 

"Kun!" His voice was unexpectedly high pitched, which made Kun laugh. Leo babbled something, Kun was feeling faint and not really hearing the words as Leo went on and on, about 80% of his words were swear words.

 

There was a pause. And then:

 

"Kun. I wish you were here."

 

"I know, me too."

 

And then in a gush of words:

 

"You're my best friend, I love you so much!"

 

"Leo, I...I'm so proud of you and..."

 

"I miss you so much,  _I love you!_ You've always been my best friend, since the day we met. Remember when we met?"

 

And Kun could hear it in his voice, he could feel it, feel Leo's happiness that was so pure and so rare these days, come to think of it. How pure he sounded, full of joy, without any stress for just that moment, without any bitterness between them, all wounds forgotten, all edges softened, like they really used to be, like kids.

 

"Oh Leo," he whispered, tears falling down his face, "Of course I remember.  _Of course."_

"You'll be here with me won't you? The next time?"

 

"Of course I will."

 

Kun wasn't sure Leo was really talking about the football at this point. He noted how he'd emphasized the word  _friend._ Like he was seeking reassurance. And now, Kun was ready to give it to him.

 

*

 

"There is a thing like too much sun, you know..."

 

"No there isn't..."

 

Kun dismisses whoever it was that  made that comment in passing. He had fallen asleep and he had been dreaming. Maybe it was about Leo, he couldn't really remember. But Leo is the first thing he thinks of upon waking. He has decided to go to Manchester to join the team. He'd actually laughed out loud when he found out that Manchester is where the national team was going to train. 

 

He has also decided to be Leo's friend, just his friend - it is calmer this way, and he can't handle it if they get into it again and have another falling out. And it's perfectly normal to text a friend about upcoming plans right?

 

_Looking forward to the lovely weather in Manchester?_

It takes a few minutes for Leo's response to come.

 

_It's really true that the English never stop talking about the weather!_

Kun smiles to himself. He starts typing and then gives up and just calls.

 

"Are you calling me English  _boludo_?"

 

He shivers involuntarily when he hears Leo's soft laughter.

 

"Are you coming?"

 

Kun shakes his head in disbelief. Leo knows very well he is.

 

"What do you think?"

 

"I don't know...tell me now if you're not, so I can ask them to put me in a single room."

 

"I am..."

 

"Good."

 

"I can't play though."

 

"I know, but it's still good for team morale, you know."

 

"Yeah. Team morale."

 

"And why aren't we staying in your house huh? What kind of host are you?"

 

_Who is "we"? The whole team or just you?_ Kun almost says.

He bites his lip. He can't be making suggestive comments.

 

"A bad one?"

 

"Really, you are terrible. You'll be there but you won't play. We're in your town, but we won't stay in your house..."

 

"I know!"

 

He's giggling now, and he can hear the laughter in Leo's voice.

 

"What have you done for me lately?"

 

"Absolutely nothing. I owe you big time. What do you want?"

 

And then there's a pause, a significant one.

 

"I'll think of something," Leo says, finally, voice suddenly serious.

 

And Kun feels the butterflies awakening, deep in the pit of his stomach.

 

*


End file.
